Above All Else
When going into a negotiation or other difficult conversation, identify the ONE thing you want to get out of it.
In other words, what’s the one thing that, if you get only this one thing, you’ll be satisfied (or, even if you get everything except this one thing, you won’t be satisfied).
While it’s totally fine to want more than one thing, it’s important to get clear on the one thing that’s most important to you so that you can make sure to prioritize it appropriately.
In your Project Quartz journal, write down this one thing, and commit to making it your first priority.
Variation: Above All Else (For Them)
Just as important as figuring out the one thing you want is figuring out the one thing the other party wants. This is because if you can figure out how to help them get their one thing, they’ll be much more willing to help you get yours.
Before going into the conversation, try to put yourself in their shoes and imagine what their ONE thing is. (While you might not get it exactly right, it’s better to have thought about it and have some idea than to not have any idea at all.)
In your Project Quartz journal, write down this one thing, and see if you can think of ways to help them get it without compromising your ONE thing (and/or your values in general).
Note: It’s best to keep your strategizing about their one thing a secret. Unless they’re also a user of this tool, they probably don’t think of themselves as wanting just one thing, so coming in and saying “I’ll give you the one thing you want if you give me the one thing I want” probably isn’t the best approach, particularly since you can only make an educated guess about what their one thing is.
Variation: What’s Really Bothering You?
This variation of Above All Else can be useful for navigating situations where you’re not getting what you want, and that’s pissing you off!
When you’re really pissed off about something, ask yourself, “What is the ONE thing about this situation that’s bothering me the most?” For example, are you this upset right now because your dishwasher is broken, or because the customer service agent is disrespecting you?
By getting clear on what’s really bothering you, you can clarify how much each aspect of this situation is contributing to your upset, and be better prepared to address the root cause of the issue.
Source
Nick’s father, Per Enge, who advised those he mentored to think this way.